Just having one of those days...
You know...where you wake up in the morning, grudgingly trying to pull yourself out of bed when all you really want to do is pull the covers over your head and lay there wallowing in your suckiness. That is me today.
Last night, I went to a Relief Society Stake Conference thing, and met up with some of the sisters from our new ward. (nothing against the sisters in our new ward, cuz they are AMAZING, but I miss my friends from Yakima 2nd, and I feel I can be myself around them, and I don't have to watch what I say, because, I know (at least I hope) they won't judge me, if I say something totally stupid. And I hate making new friends because beleive it or not I have a hard time doing it ) As I was sitting there watching the re-enactment of the parable of the 10 Virgins to music, I had this over whelming feeling of inadequacy. Usually I leave those kinds of things uplifted and full of the spirit, but sad to say last night was not one of them.
I felt inadequate in every way... I was having a pity party. And it has spilled over on to today.
I feel that I'm not doing everything spiritually to grow my testimony. I have kind of slacked off when it comes to spiritual stuff. Saying prayers, scripture study, yada, yada, yada, etc...
And this morning as I was blog stalking some of the sisters in our new ward, I felt even crappier.
So, as I'm sitting here crying, trying not to do it out loud ( cuz then I would have to come up with a lie for Emily as to why I'm crying.) And thinking of all the ways I'm not smart enough,
skinny enough,
creative,
spiritual,
determined,
pretty,
clever,
funny,
musicaly inclined,
sporty,
geeky,
disciplined,
a chef ,
crafty,
and witty enough. I'm sure there is a lot more that I'm not good enough at..I just can't think of any right now. Just keeping it real. This is how I feel today. Tomorrow will probably be different, but today sucks! And to top it off, it's Kaden's 10th Birthday. Usually I go all out with amazing parties, that his friends talk about for days, but today party preparations are slow to nonexistant. I feel like a big crap hole! and I'm having my bi-monthly pity party. No one will probably comment on this post. So I guess I'll go eat worms!
12 comments:
Susi, Susi, Susi My poor friend. I am so sorry you are having a bad day and so glad you feel you can share it with us! I will be thinking of you all day to day. My thoughts of you will be how much I love you, your smile, your laugh, your creativeness in EVERYTHING you do, your example of a super mom, wife and friend and how much I enjoy being around you. I know making friends can be hard but don't hold back. Your new ward needs to get to know the Susi we all love and adore! :)
Thanks Saimi. I needed that.
Susi I went over the list of your nots and those are things I would list to describe you. (The musicaly inclined well I have heard you toot so I counted that) We always see ourselves so differently then others do and what a blessing that is for it is times like this that we can boost you up and show you how truely amazing you are.
Know that you are lived by many especially me.
I agree with Jana, I think you are amazing. Don't hold back, I like having friends who are a little crazy and say inappropriate things. It makes me feel a little more normal. Hope Kaden's b-day is awesome!
It's ok to have bad days - we all have them. You are right, you'll be fine tomorrow, hang in there!
You are crazy. You are one of the most creative, funny, and totally adorable people I know. You are rad. Seriously, we still moan the loss of you here at our house... frequently. And I don't like losers, so shut up about being not as good as everyone else. You are awesome. ;)
Sorry you're having a hard time, though. I hope you're feeling better soon.
Susi! We love you!! And Matt just said if you were here he would kiss you! :)
Back off Frost, leave the kissing to me.
Hey you! Snap out of it or I'll have to come pull out a can of . . . oh, I mean, you know I love you. No one thinks any of those things about you. I was dying to get out of the house Friday, and was wishing I could come see you. Now I know I should have made that happen. Before you know it you are going to have tons of friends, because you are such a sweetheart. Hang in there. Hopw you are feeling better by today.
Hey Susi! I totally know how you feel. I hate days like that. . . . if it makes you feel any better, I have always thought of you as so put together, so very pretty, a good cook, blah, blah, blah! and your kids are always adorable. Moving to a new place is hard. I've been here 3 years and still feel like a stranger some days. Anyway, feel better and know that you really are wonderful (and possibly procure some anti-depressant drugs - they're faboo!)
Charise!
You make me laugh... I'll take your advice into consideration. I was just having a really,really bad day. Everything is better now. No more mental breakdowns.
Thanks everyone, for lifting me up. I have great friends and family. Love to all!
Susi, I have to say. I LOVE you man. I love this post becasue it's real and it's you and it's from your heart. When I was at your house the night of the party I was feeling totally inadequate because you are a rock star crafter and your hosue is beautiful. I think we all feel thsi way at times. Don't hold back, we all want to see the real you. I think we are all more a like than you think. Here is a Poem that was written by Kristen Andelin in our ward. I think this says it all. ENJOY!! BTW Jacob had a great time at the party!!
that girl-
that girl's so smart.
and her, she's so pretty.
that one's creative.
and that one, she's witty.
and that girl she's pure.
and her, such the mother.
that one can sew.
and that girl sings like none other.
and me, I have talents,
some different from theirs.
the ones that He gave me.
the ones I am to share.
and I try not to envy,
those girls that I meet.
for their talents...plus mine,
equal one woman complete.
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